How many times are we caught between a rock and hard place within a relationship, however this question posed to me from a confidant was a dose of realism from a page from my life story.
“He wants us to settle down, his family is excited but I’m not feeling him though. What should I do?
Her baby daddy felt it was time they steered their union together in holy matrimony.
But how many of us have to play toss up for what’s best for our kids and rarely about what is best for Me, best for I, best for You. when I walked out of my relationship with baby daddy I felt it was about time I wrote my story my way without the thorny storms from our emotionally exhaustive relationship, but a decision like that is hardly easy when you cuddling a baby. However at times you just have to bow out when life throws a curve ball.
Hence my dear friend in all honesty marriage is work and we should never surrender to it when our heart isn’t feeling it. You will be saving yourself and him major heartache down the line. I understand you hesitant as you guys have been through a lot together but what good will it do when you find yourself in a loveless marriage making tea for mamazala (mother in law) while she whinges at the messy state of the house, how skinny her son looks or what a waste of lobola (dowry) you are. My dear, you will find yourself wiping tears and nappies drinking a glass of regrets, and that ain’t pretty.
Just let him know you guys are not on the same page, if he loves you, he will respect your decision. It’s you who matters and trying to please others ain’t worth it. Marriage should feel right it’s not about should I or shouldn’t I or in essence a chapter of doubts and second guesses. The kids will always have their parents whether their parents are married or not. There are a lot of single parents out there making it through the struggles and the tag of bastard, doesn’t bruise as much as it did, in this day and age. Love is kind, gentle, beautiful and shouldn’t hurt however once absent from any union a marriage lacks that foundation and it can’t be solidified.
At times we need to realize we can make it work without the ring and holding on cause of the kids will just open the door to a wave of disappointments and heartache. I’m not emphasizing that you shouldn’t try working it out, all I’m saying is that at times it’s so broken that no amount of fixing is ever enough.
That’s my two cent worth of advice from a single parent spinster, take it with a grain of salt if you wish, but it’s shared with love and wisdom.