The other day I found myself engrossed in a conversation with a guy friend, the moot discussion centered around woman and whether there are any good woman out there. This friend of mine had recently been cheated on and from that debacle he was now under the assumption, a good woman no longer exists. It’s a bit disturbing that our character is summed up from a mere dose of infidelity. I should add that however should the roles be reversed it can be said there hardly any ‘Good Man’ out there if infidelity is the determent factor, seeing that I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been cheated on. But I must be frank his point did hit a nerve, how can our womanhood be questioned from one altercation.
The question was hardly pointed at the cause of him being cheated on but rather at how a good woman is hardly a cheat and if she were, she has lost all sense of respect as a woman of principles. So hypothetically if I cheat on you, that makes me a bad woman, I get stripped and my ass gets a whipping, but it’s tolerable for you as a guy, to jump on the bus of infidelity. That’s a bit of a double standard don’t you think? Us woman are forever projected to act in a certain way, and a certain degree of principles are expected. All I’m saying is that when you had your hand in the cookie jar, after the moment of silence, face slapping, in a moment of rage, as a woman I gave you my time and space to explain yourself, forgave you and it was eventually swept under the rug. However when I did the dance with Mr hot and dandy you packed your bags shut the front door, left town. Double standards is a sucker and we sugar coat it with ‘us guys can’t forgive as easily’. Us woman have to be tolerant, he cheats we excuse it as ‘man cheat, it should be expected’ and he is still the man. However when the tables are turned I’m paraded down skank avenue as ‘that girl’.
I’m hardly condoning the act of infidelity all I’m saying is that as a woman you strive to do ‘GOOD’ by your man, you tend to his needs and above all you love him unconditionally. However at times you merely a round heeled woman whose there to pass time while he waits for his good woman. A good woman may be the branch that blows as directed by the wind but in a stable relationship she seeks a man who may be her trunk; a well-rounded support system. With such a man there isn’t room for being rootless; and a real woman has no time for a spineless man who has no idea where he stands.
Surely as a man you may find comfort in settling with a woman such as Hatshepsut the queen; a woman of grand stature whom according to the Egyptians was the longest reigning female pharaoh in Egypt, ruling for 20 years and considered one of Egypt’s most successful Pharaohs, but as a strong man you fail to embrace a diamond. It was William Makepeace Thackeray who said” a good woman is the loveliest flower that blooms under heaven; and we look with love and wonder upon its silent grace, its pure fragrance, its delicate bloom of beauty” But then again every flower loses its luster and fragrance in time. What is a good woman? And by whose standards is she measured by?
A good woman by my account is a woman who is aware of her self-worth; she’s wise, exudes confidence, respectful and above all god fearing. Yes, there’s hardly any mention of her domestic abilities, her home management skills so to speak, there isn’t as that shouldn’t be a prerequisite of a good woman because a good woman is fully aware of her role as a woman in a relationship. This woman by any man’s standards will have his back; she will honor him, see to his needs and she will put him on a pedestal to shine while she stands on the side-line in admiration.
‘Man standards’ yes man standards it is indubitable that we live in a patriarchal society and for centuries man enforced standards for woman to abide by, a perfect example is an African woman’s journey to marriage, before setting off to her matrimonial home as a wife the elders will have a word or two with her on her role as a wife, explicitly how to treat her husband, hence there are standards in place and one should conduct herself as a woman in accordance to these standards, standards that were implemented, by the very same man we are judged by .
Denzel Washington on his twitter feed once pointed out that a wise woman knows the importance of speaking life into her man. If you love him; believe in him, encourage him and be his peace. In short be his ‘good woman’. The thing with a good woman is that firstly at times there’s a lady Macbeth lurking in the shadows, a lady who is ambitious, ruthless and ready to do whatever it takes to further her man’s ambitions. Then on the other hand is a woman who reminds me of my mother, a woman who’s wise and needs no degree to show for it, a woman who’s humble in nature, respectful and submissive to a man and at all times she warms his bed and ensures him a warm plate of food regardless of his actions.
My mother was being the humble wife, a good woman to him. Like my mother this man will leave this good woman, to find himself a concubine, barely half her age. Irrespective of the journey they’ve traveled together. As a woman you raised by society to do ’Good’ by your man, stand by him, honor him, respect him. However fairly speaking should the roles be reversed, would he do the same for you. Would he be my back bone, my rainbow after a storm or would he run the first chance he gets.
It’s amazing how at times, once a good woman is wronged she fails to maintain a steady relationship due to her man’s philandering ways; you see hell has no fury like a woman scorned .She gets blinded by the pain in such a way she fails to see all that a good man intends to offer, the sad part about a good woman wronged is that she will break your fragile heart before you realize it, all thanks to a man who couldn’t tell much between a diamond and a ruby.
A woman can be a good woman to a specific man just like a Key can only open a specific door, it’s all about you finding your good woman, and if she has cheated surely that shouldn’t be a testament of her character. It all boils down to making it work and that requires a certain degree of commitment and trust, hence if you play your cards right she will stay and not stray.